Fun and Games
by nekoanimegirl114
Summary: CRACK FIC! Byakuya x Renji. Kyoraku x Ukitake. They are spending their time well in the office. I hope you got that that was sarcasm.
1. Chapter 1

**Fun and Games**

It was a bright and sunny work day in the Sereitei. Kyoraku-taicho was up to his usual pranks, visiting his long-time lover, Ukitake, and skipping out on work. He sat fidgeting in the white-haired captain's office as he finished up his letter to the sixth division captain. He signed the scroll and rolled it up with his personal seal.

"Finally!" sighed Kyoraku. "You've made me wait long enough, let's play, Juushiro!" He launched himself toward the other.

"Heh, not so fast", he said dodging. "I have to deliver this to Kuchiki."

"Aw, can't one of your loyal fanatics do that?" He attempted to pout in the way that always got his lover in the mood but the other just ignored him.

"For the first time in a while, I feel up to the walk and you want to deny me that? No thanks. But, I wouldn't mind your company."

"Hmpf, fine, but tonight, your M~I~N~E!"

"Well let's move then."

The two held hands as they took they're time to get to the sixth division barracks. By the time they arrived, the place was mostly empty. They found the captain's office and Ukitake was just about to knock when he heard voices inside.

"_Kami! Taicho!"_

"Was that Abarai-kun?" Kyoraku whispered to the other. "Perhaps we're interrupting something."

"No, not Kuchiki. He wouldn't-"

"_I can't believe I'm doing this in my own office just because I lost some stupid bet."_ Byakuya's voice came from the other side of the door.

"_Yeah well you suck at gambling, AH! That's not fair!"_

"_That's what you get for insulting me, Abarai."_

"_Shit, Taicho."_

"_Heh, are you jealous of my superior skills Renji?"_

"_How can you be this good? I thought you'd never done this before!"_

"_It's not hard to learn. Really I mean, if Kurosaki can do this then I can?_

Ukitake had to hold Kyoraku back from breaking into the office. "Shh, we'll get caught if you don't stop laughing."

"But listen to them! It's kinda turning me on."

"Maybe we should return another time to give him the letter." He tried to drag Kyoraku away but the brunette was stopped again by the voices from inside.

"_Ha! Now it's my turn, Taicho!"_

"_W-wait, Renji! No, stop! That's not fair!"_

"_Oh, it's perfectly fair. You know that saying about love and war. Well this is it!"_

"_Blast. I didn't see that coming!"_

"Enough, we are leaving!" Ukitake managed to drag his horny lover far enough away so the voices weren't heard. Kyoraku swept his surprised lover into his arms and flashed stepped back to his room.

Meanwhile, Byakuya Kuchiki sat on the floor of his office next to his grinning lieutenant.

"I can't believe you." He crossed his arms and turned away from the redhead.

"Hey, come on, Taicho. It was just for fun."

"Yes well it was stupid and so are you."

"Ha! You're just jealous that I'm better at _Halo_ than you."

"Whatever." He stood up and switched off the game consol. "Now, we should really get back to work, Abarai."

"Hai, Taicho."


	2. Chapter 2

**Ch. 2 (Because the conversation gets confusing, partway through the story, names will be put in front of lines like a playwright.)**

A week passed after Ukitake-taicho's run-in at the sixth division barracks. He had been genuinely surprised to find (hear) the things that Kuchiki-taicho had been doing with his lieutenant, during work hours no less. _'No, it had to be a fluke. I mean, he's the head of the clan Kuchiki! He had a wife. The last I checked, he wasn't gay.'_ Still, the long-haired man made his way once again towards the sixth division grounds.

He was so caught in his thoughts that he didn't feel the familiar reiatsu racing towards him. He jumped as thick, hairy arms wrapped around his waist. "Oh! It's just you, Shunsui."

"Yep, it's just me. Just your lover of almost a thousand years."

"That's not what I meant. I just was thinking."

"Hmmm. Would it have anything to do with a black-haired captain and his fiery lieutenant? You know I don't like it when you think about other men in my presence." He laughed and kissed the other on the nose.

"I have to deliver this letter to Kuchiki. Last time… Well you know."

"Yes well, would you like your favorite person to tag along?"

"Hmmm. I think Yama-jii is too busy today" he smirked.

"Again with the men!"

The two laughed as they entered the building and made their way down the hall. Like a week prior, Ukitake lifted his hand to knock.

"_Hmmm, Abarai."_

"_That feel good, Taicho?"_

"_Surprisingly, yes. Oooh!"_

"_Heh, that's the spot, huh?"_

"_Woah, Abarai, I'm totally next."_ The long-time couple were surprised to hear Hisagi-fukutaicho's voice added to the mix.

"Seriously? Again?"

"And this time it's a threesome!"

"_You will wait your turn, Hisagi."_

"_Relax, Taicho. There's enough of me to go around."_

"Hey, Juushiro," the brunette whispered. "1, 2, 3, Not only you and me. Got one eighty degrees and I'm caught in betw-" A pale hand landed over his mouth before he could continue his crude rhyme.

"Seriously? Do you want us to get caught? Wait. Don't answer that. I know what you'd say."

**Hisagi:** _"Finally! My turn!"_

**Renji:** _"Chill out, Sempai. I can't be that good."_

**Hisagi:** _"Dude, don't you know? You're like the best in Soul Society!"_

At this point, Ukitake wanted to puke and Kyoraku was actually staying quiet, silent tears of laughter spilling down his face.

They stood against each other shaking with illness/laughter until the moans coming out of the other room stopped. It had been a good half an hour that they were standing there.

**Renji:** _"Well shit. I had no idea you two were so tense."_

Hisagi: _"Yeah, well since the whole thing with Tousen-taicho, I've been stuck with more reports and exercises than you could imagine. What about you, Kuchiki-taicho?"_

**Byakuya:** _"It's none of your business, Hisagi-fukutaicho."_

**Renji:** _"Taicho! Seriously, can't you ever just answer a question? It's his stupid family! They keep trying to shove a stick up his-"_

"_Abarai."_

**Renji:** _"Anywho, It's nothing compared to me! I have to put up with travels to the real world on a moments notice. And to top it off, I gotta babysit Rukia and Ichigo so they don't make out or worse."_

**Byakuya: **_"Kurosaki!... TO MY SISTER?"_

**Renji: **_"Chill out, Taicho. I'm sure they'll end it eventually."_

**Hisagi: **_"I can't imagine having to run my squad and play house-sitter. You have it the worst man. Here, lay down and I'll try to ease the tension."_

**Byakuya: **_"Yes and while he's doing that, you can tell me about this thing between the half-human and my sister."_

Their voices muffled and Kyoraku couldn't take it anymore. He pushed past his lover and threw the door to the office open. Three surprised faces looked up at the two in the doorway but they weren't nearly as surprised as said two were when they saw all men fully dressed. Renji was indeed lying on the ground and Hisagi had his hands on the other's shoulders. "What are you doing?"

"Well," Hisagi started. "I'm just massaging Abarai-san's shoulders since he just did for me and his taicho. What did you think we were doing?"

Ukitake elbowed his lover in the side and then apologized to the three in the office. He dragged his comrade out, message still undelivered, and decided from now on, he would just send a hell butterfly.

Meanwhile…

Renji had barely sat up when a hand twisted in his ponytail and jerked his head back. He gasped as his captain's tongue quickly entered his mouth.

"Damn, I thought they'd never leave!" Hisagi knelt in front of Renji, pulling at the younger man's sash and letting his shirt fall open. He looked at Byakuya with appreciation as the noble had managed to remove his scarf, haori, and shirt without breaking his kiss. The ninth squad lieutenant leaned down pressing kisses and licks all the way down from neck to navel.

Renji could only moan as the rest of their clothing came off. With his sempai's mouth where he wanted it and his captain preparing to enter him, he knew it was going to be one hell of a night.


End file.
